Simone Hauer from HerzBauchGefühl, an expert in needs- and attachment-orientated sleep, reports
A baby's sleep is one of the main concerns for new parents in the first few months of life. Sleep is just as essential as breathing - nothing works without it. But how can we best support our little ones' sleep so that the whole family gets enough rest? This is a question that is on many parents' minds, and although there is no magic solution, understanding babies' natural sleep needs can make a big difference.
A look back at the history of humankind
In the past, when people lived in groups as hunter-gatherers, it was essential that babies were protected day and night and constantly under the protection of an adult. Otherwise, the baby might
have been eaten by wild animals, become hypothermic at night in freezing temperatures or even been forgotten when the clan moved on.
All well and good - but what does this have to do with modern times and baby sleep? Despite the fact that we have moved on from the hunter-gatherer lifestyle a few thousand years ago and nowadays
babies sleep in a safe environment with baby monitors, fire alarms and so on, the old instincts are still at work. Young children still assume that sabre-toothed tigers are roaming around the
camp outside or that frost is coming in the morning.
Does this mean that we have to go back to living like we did in the Stone Age? No, it doesn't... but it does help us to understand why our babies make safety checks, sleep lightly and why the
need for closeness, security and safety correlates strongly with sleep behaviour.
Why does max sleep so much less than leonie?
We often make comparisons between our little ones' sleep - which in turn leads to stress and is not conducive to sleep behaviour.
Children's sleep needs are extremely individual, innate and cannot be changed. Parents often overestimate their child's need for sleep, which then leads to problems falling asleep and staying
asleep. The younger the baby, the greater the range of sleep requirements. The difference between two babies of the same age can be up to 10 hours.
For example, the sleep requirement of a 1-month-old baby is between 9 and 19 hours (within 24 hours). So if Max sleeps 9 hours, but Leonie sleeps 19 hours, then both are completely
normal.
Why does my baby need help falling asleep?
Many parents worry about why their baby can't fall asleep by themselves. However, this is completely normal behaviour for babies and toddlers. Sleeping means letting go and is a separation into
the unknown. When tiredness and darkness set in, the need for bonding becomes active. This makes it all the more important to be there during this sensitive phase and to accompany the baby to
sleep in a relaxed manner.
Even the process of falling asleep varies from baby to baby.
When should a baby start sleeping by themselves?
As we have already said, for thousands of years it was dangerous for babies to sleep by themselves. Sleeping alone at night is a modern invention and not always appropriate for our species. In fact, the scientific recommendation is that children should sleep in their parents' room for at least the first year of life. This reduces the risk of sudden infant death syndrome. If a few safety instructions are followed, the baby can also sleep safely in the family bed. There are even studies that prove that children who sleep in a family bed are more independent and socially autonomous at an earlier age. A degree of regularity also contributes to this.
How much of a Rhythm does my baby need?
It is often recommended to "train" the baby to a regular rhythm as soon as possible. The baby should be put to bed at the same time every day - this provides security and a good framework. However, it is important to remember that a basic prerequisite for sleep is tiredness. And babies do not always get tired at the same time. Every day is different and every child is individual - so we recommend paying attention to the signs of tiredness and not letting the clock dictate the routine. After all, even adults cannot fall asleep so easily if they are not tired.
How can I teach my child to sleep?
Sleeping does not have to be learnt, it is a maturing and developmental process and babies are already able to sleep in the womb. I do not recommend sleep training or sleep learning programmes, as there are now many studies that show that so-called sleep training can lead to developmental disorders and to problems falling asleep and staying asleep later on. In addition, babies are sometimes under enormous stress during these programmes and they are also not beneficial for bonding.
It is perfectly okay to ask for help
When it comes to sleep issues, it always makes sense to inform yourself from good sources or to get help. I recommend that parents-to-be already start looking into the topic of sleep. During this
time, you often have more capacity and with a good basic knowledge of children's sleep, you can approach this topic in a much more relaxed way. If sleep challenges still arise, I recommend a 1:1
consultation with a sleep coach who works in a needs- and attachment-oriented way. There are already many certified sleep coaches throughout Europe via the Association for Holistic Baby and Child
Sleep, who also offer online consultations.
To summarise, babies' sleep is a complex issue that is influenced by many individual and evolutionary factors. By understanding and respecting our babies' natural sleep needs, we can help them to
sleep better - and thus also help the whole family to get more rest and relaxation.
Herzbauchgefühl - mY Services
You can find information and events on my homepage or on my Instagram profile @herzbauchgefuehl_simonehauer.
Photos by Träumeland
Translated from the original German into English by Rebecca Holloway
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